This Year is My Year

After I got the sweetest Christmas gift last year, I’m starting really sure that the Guy up there heard me.

It doesn’t mean I didn’t believe in Him. But sometimes I am thinking my voice would never be able to reach Him. But He knows me better. I’m not a quitter and cannot just give up. I will keep calling and running to search of what I want or what I need.

In my whole life, I never success to get love (except from my parents of course).  But I began to ask myself, there’s no way in my whole life will be like this. So is it I’m the one who’s not easy to be loved or I’m the one who rejecting love to come ? Or have I tried for once again to let other people to connect with my world again ?

God knows I believe in effort. But lately I want a miracle and I like it or not, I’m starting to believe it.

One thing that I’m sure it will happen.

I will meet him this year. I feel it and I believe it.

I want to give myself one more chance to try and get out of that room.

Ladies and gentleman… this year… is my Freedom.

 

Empty Box

What have you been searched for in this life ? Money ? Love ? Success ? or Confession ?
Since I was born, I always searching for love. It doesn’t mean I never search for money. It just… so many rejection happened till at one point I felt everything has no value in my life.
I just felt…. empty.
If you ask what things can describe you the most ? I pick an empty box.Like my life, is empty, none. No pain, no happiness, no light, no color. only silent.
I wanna spice up my life with someone. A guy, a lover, someone who can make me feel comfort to be me.
A guy who is good looking, rich, successful has no meaning if he doesn’t love me or If I have no feeling on him.

I don’t know why, right now…. I feel so numb.
Maybe I’m tired with guy.

 

Time and Me

Every people has different needs. One probably needs to have people surround her, other might feel that money will give him pleasure, or maybe when she found a love of her life she will feel completed. But most people need is time.

Time is a friend and also the worst enemy. U cannot have it or bargain with it. It push u through your life, push u to live ur life u like it or not. But sometime, time becoming our friend, cause time will always be with us, as long u accepted its existence. That is when someone call a good time.

But many time that Time never give us enough space to be ready for the next thing, till we fell off and got hurts. That’s what we call a bad time.

Many time has passed away, leaving many thing that we call memories. Bad memories and good memories are like stone in our yard. Cannot do anything just be there.

But when time walk, time will have friends that it call hope. No matter what happen, hope will always be together every time time ticking.Time will meet with lots of thing, like chance and problem. When time meet them, that’s what we call a moment. It is up to us, what memories we want to get in that moment, time will just give u space.

Time never been stop since I was born. But time is the best friend that I have. Many times, when I was sad and griving, time heal me. And many times when I was feeling worried and confuse, time give me space to think. And now, time give me moment that I would be happy to remember.

 

Julia Roberts and her new movie “Eat,Pray,Love”

The author of book “Eat,Pray,Love”, Elizabeth Gilbert, is very famous. And it won’t take too long before we could watch the movie of her journey. As the novel told us the story, the shooting was starting from Italy, and India, before they starting to shoot on Bali as the core of the journey. Julie Robert would shoot with another 50 crews of Plan B Intertaintment and Paramount Picture for a month in certain location like Ubud, Monkey Forest, Banjar Nyuh Kuning and Pengosekan, also Ubud Art Market.

On this movie also involved James Franco, Richard Jenkins, Billy Crudups, Viola Davis, and Javier Bardem.This movie would be directed by Ryan Murphy, before he had directing Running With Scissors and Dirty Tricks.

The story told the journey of Elizabeth Gilbert,a successful woman who had gained everything before 30. But in the end, all she got only anxious, panic, confuse until it beginning to become sadness, depression, divorce, failure of love, and losing direction of her life. But she took over control of her life again by took an extreme choice. She leave her job, her friends, her country and go around the world for a year. The first country would be Italy, as the country with famous delicious food. She learnt how to have fun and enjoy her life. She learnt Italian language and gained weight about 23 pounds. Next stop was India, a country with strong Hindu culture. Here she learnt about what is the meaning of pray and hope. She learnt about devotion. Her journey ended in Bali, she met Ketut Liyer and starting to complete her searching of balanced between Spiritual and love. She spent 6 months to cure herself and ended her finding because she met her love, Felipe, Bralizilian man. This movie would be published in 2010.

 

Fresh graduate in Indonesia is hard

Many people outside Indonesia probably had known that Indonesian people are the cheapest worker. It is really sad cause it also happen at the local job.

It started with no quality control, standarization of all school in Indonesia, has made companies could not set a standard for fresh graduate salary. People who are graduate and got associate degree, bachelor degree, and master degree get almost the same, depends on the experience.

But the point, no one appreciate the effort to get that degree in Indonesia. No standard, only experience and skill to speak.

Usually fresh graduate in Indonesia cannot support himself from his salary. Can eat,sleep, proper meal, but no buy something at all.

Few years ago, the salary of bachelor degree start from : Rp 1,5 juta each month. After ever jumped into Rp 1,8 juta,  the global crisis happened  and the basic salary starting to shrink again.

Isn’t it so sad ? That how much money have we spend to get that degree but there is no appreciation from the job world of our degree. It’s like useless, and unfair. People cannot living with this degree.

That’s why many people eager to open their own business. Eventhough it is small, but the income would be very different.

 

Something that you can find on Indonesia (part 1)

People non Indonesia, this is only some kind of information for you. If you have to visit with clueless to Indonesia. Generally, you can find Indomaret or Alfamart the most fastest growing mini market on Indonesia. Our local bookstore is Gramedia. For national newspaper you can grab KOMPAS, BISNIS INDONESIA. For instant newdle we have INDOMIE,SUPERMIE, MIE SEDAP. For the best Taxi, we have BLUE BIRD (GOLDEN, SILVER,BLUE CLASS). For the biggest airlines, we have GARUDA AIRLINES. While on the street, you can cross every spot you want,no rules. For newbie, remember to brings COKE when you wanna try our street food.  It is pretty common when you stop on trafic lights, there will be BEGGAR, SINGING BEGGAR. Sometimes, on some spot of intersection, we have MR OGAH who will try to manage the traffic jam that sometimes helping.

In Indonesia do not drink from the tap, we usually dress properly when we have to go to mall, we usually eat rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But lately bread has been taking  a big part for breakfast. We usually not drink wine, beer,or alcohol daily. We usually drink plain water, tea, coffee. Indonesian love spicy and hot food. We love chilli.

The most famous tea is TEH BOTOL SOSRO. The most famous of mineral water  is AQUA. The thing that we should have is chili sauce and soy souce.

Something that you should know, Indonesia have few big islands which are SUMATRA, KALIMANTAN, SULAWESI,JAWA,IRIAN. But the famous one is BALI and  BATAM. We have two weather, DRY and RAIN.

For us Indonesian, you can always find like you want to find on BIZZARE kind of FOOD. From Brain, heart, eye, tail, tongue, limp, liver, intestimes… those are a common thing that we can cook and eat properly. No matter it is from cow, chicken, seafood, dog, bat, monkey, bird, ox, pig, deer, lamb, etc. Depends on which island you live.

For superstore we have CAREFOUR, HYPERMART, GIANT, MAKRO. For cellphone provider, we have (gsm) XL, TELKOMSEL, SATELINDO, 3, AXIS, SMART. And for the cdma, we have FREN, ESIA, FLEXI.

Usually the place whom tourists would love to go is Jakarta, Yogyakarta, Bali, Lombok, Menado. But I want to promote my hometown which is Semarang. This city are located on Central Java. Very nice traditional food, nice seafood restaurant, great street food, and no traffic jam. Eventhough it has  really humid climate. I love my hometown.

and Added information,  call (city code)+ 108 for asking phone number according to place or adress. There is no 911 here. Everybody don’t have to buy insurance, usually we need maid to clean our house.

You should call stranger with : young lady (mbak), young man (mas), old lady(bu), old man (pak); for the first time.

 

Life is simply simple as the word said

Many people including me says that Life is an experience of complex feeling with full of drama and tricks. Most people is not happy with their life, because life never defend them from a broken feeling, eventually life always put the wound close to us. So irritating and is like pain in the ass. But that is life. Life never lie, it is always telling us the truth. That’s why, the good and bad become in a package of our lives. Life is simple, you do then get, you fail then learn, you try then find. I was telling myself that life is not friendly at all. But the truth is, I saw life as a half dark earth on the other side which get light from the sun. We often only focus on our problem , stuck with it, and the problem sucking our hopes and soon our age. But life isn’t go anywhere, because we haven’t move.

People live with life. No matter how do you fill it, it would never be empty. Because life always find away to drag you spinning with it. Not only from the dark gloomy side, but also the light happier place.

We need to put trust to life would give us a chance to explore what we are and who we need to be. Life don’t have to be perfect, life is simple. You have life to get alive. Never forget about that.

 

Why I don’t celebrate Valentine

Valentine, the sacret event for a lovey dovey, a romantic moment for the couple, the perfect time to purpose. Valentine identically with red, heart, rose, chocholate, or perhaps LOVE.

But for me, Valentine is just like the other day. Perhaps it is still celebrating s everyone as a wholesaler, a retailer will get a good moment to do a new promotion. Get traffic for a couples of days.

Why we have to celebrate valentine if love can find us everyday ? I don’t believe to celebrate valentine. I believe to celebrate each day as a love new day. Because love born everyday not once a year.

Or perhaps the question comes up, do I believe in Love ? I’m not really good in Love game, but I do believe that we need love to live. We can love our home, our car, our computer, our country, our books, our gadget, our family, our friends, even our life. So we can define love  abundantly.

I love love and actually I ever falling in love with love, but none of love notice about my love. Love is complicated don’t you think so ? Yeah, I guess so.

 

Failure is a common things

When actually we’ve been grown up ? Can you feel it ? I can feel I have grown up or I should have to grow up.

I’ve been failing to one another. Not good at impressing people, made many mistakes that hurted my family, still don’t have a job, or probably have a good life. I’ve been breaking lots of thing and tried to fix it everytime, but none of it could be fixed. So I’ve been telling myself, hey you are just a trouble maker that could screw each time you almost make something better. So should I stop trying to screw my life ?

I was not be able to accept my imperfect self. I can not sing nice, I don’t have beautiful face, or I am not tall, or probably have a genius brain, and most of it, I cannot persuade people for being nice or like me. I’m just me, myself.

So Lately I’ve been thinking. I’ve been through a lot of failure, a lot. Nobody impressed by me. But what I forget, I had never learned from it. I keep trying to make a change but I never learned from my mistake and keep make another mistake.

We need to drag our courage to admit that we do a mistake that put us into a failure person. Don’t blame others surround you. I’ve been failure because I was too soft to myself to offended my rights, my dream, and my opinion among others. I was too shy to ask, too scare to make a mistake, too stupid to be perfect. Until in the end, none of it is my mark of success.

But one thing that I know. People will always have a failure in their lives. But they would be success if they could stand up again and fight.

That is why I never told myself it’s too late to fix and to learn. Cause it is too late when you want to fix anything when you are death.

 

Enjoying the Process of Life

Life… what’s life for you ? How can you describe your life when you even forgot some idea how you should be proud with your life. But somehow, life can not be predicted, it is like a pinball, sometimes you goes up, sometimes, you stuck in some dilemma and sometimes, you get a jackpots full of joy. Yeah, life is like that.

Right now, I try to enjoy my life. Even it is not kind of life that I want. But it was probably the best moment for me to learn, listen, and patient.

Life would never be a waste. You can be somebody special for anybody. For family, friends, or even couple. But when the life goes down, you will feel like world has abandoned you. Each time you meet stranger, you feel like everybody judging of who you are and what have you done.

People made a mistake to learn from it. It is hurt, stupid, ridiculous, and totally painful.  Sometimes we even should learn more than once. That is the moment of failed in your life.

And then what next ? Hiding… blame others… is not a good following action. As I saw Nicole Kidman on Oprah, she told everybody proudly, she is not a quitter. She loves to confront the problem even though sometimes it takes tears, heart, stress, brain, but she knew that she has to confront it.

After that show, I got what I need to do. I know that I should learn from my life until this time. Thinking and not regret, ready to confront my problem and other people and speak loudly that I am here.. exist.. beautiful.. and worthy.

We never begin with success, we would always begin with failure. I shouldn’t deny my mistakes so that others could learn from me, cause I want to learn from them too.

I realize that is not how we have to love ourselves or how we need to proud of who we are, but how we could  love all  the process that happen on us. How is the process could change and shaping us into a better person.

I learnt that I cannot fight the process, than I should receive it and embrace it.